this is pretty cool

https://www.brettmccracken.com/blog/2017/8/3/the-wisdom-pyramid
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/watch-diet-in-covid-19-crisis/

and having done CBT I think it's really a key to managing certain aspects of mental illness

No more

At the start
It was Joshua
Be strong and courageous

Not to leave your words
Not even a bit

But I did

Then it was Romans
Consider yourself
Dead to sin
Alive in Christ

I considered

The middle is a bit hazy
I thank you for a period of general rest

I think it was Timothy
Training in godliness
Or was it Peter
Humility run deep

Cos now it's Matthew
The words I speak
Reveal the deep
Desires and curses
Of my heart

A foul truth
A bottomless pit

I admit
I've lost my rythm
But you know this

Why the shame
To confess
Again
I'm nothing
But a whiny
Deceptive
Lazy
Spoilt
Blaming
Angry
Sinner
Saved by grace
Grace!
Grace upon grace!!
How much grace you must possess
To save all the sin
In the world!

How kind
Patient
Merciful
Wise
You are

Let not the devil tell me I'm fake
I am fallen
I fail again and again
But I come to you Jesus
I trust your redemption
I will keep praising you

Lead on
Lead on

my floaty friend

I thought kids were supposed to play? have fun? I looked at my floaty friend, as I held the helium balloon by its weighted string on the MRT, on the walk home from one-north. On the train I had to hold it really short, like it wasn't flying away at all - I didn't think much of this at all at the time because it felt natural to keep a short lead since we were on the train. 

But on the walk home from one north, I passed some of the fusionopolis/galaxis/solaris office buildings, and one of the walkways was quite tight. And there were all these office workers on their way to the train station after work walking towards me, and also the walkway is open on one side but the other side is a neat row of bushes. I was happy to let my floaty friend loose after the MRT ride, but I had to reel it in again because I didn't want it to burst on the bushes while we squeeze past the office workers. So for its own sake. Only when I got to the Portsdown slope then I could really let it fly as high as it went. 

I thought of the song I'd written for Miriam on that walk before she left for Cambridge, when dad cried. little bird away you fly, up and up your going high...I wonder if she has all the words, we could record it with Tim! Anyway, the important question I thought of at the end was, ok training your child in the way he should go takes a village, and the string goes up and down, but what's our real hope eventually? That the balloon will fly up to heaven? We can't take it there ourselves though.

We can only let it go and trust the helium will get it there. Make sure it's got a sturdy shell that won't break with the altitude, and trust that when it seems like the helium has run out, the Holy Spirit will continue to lift you up. 

Church & CG 26 April Luke 7:18-35

O my soul, put your hope in God
My help, my Rock, I will praise Him
Sing, oh, sing through the raging storm
You're still my God, my salvation!

Lord there are things I've prayed
Not come true
So my tongue, I've stayed
Said and thought it's in your hands
but underneath my heart is mad

Wanting wanting all my life
my family complete, restored, made right
the biggest torn inside my heart
is not the one at my side
but the one that long ago that Scottish night
ripped open my world
and plunged into night
my parents fighting
became something
else

and so I blocked it out
shrugged it off
but when it comes, it comes in waves
the grief unchecked
the pain is there
beneath the present, there is scar
history and apologies
not acknowledge, not returned
sorry, we missed
a life of loving each other it seems

God now I come to you
I know you see all my sin
everything I've contributed
all I said and all I say
The tongue that cannot be tamed
by my strength
but you are powerful still over my unbridled way
I will lay myself down at your feet
heal me heal me O my saviour

I cannot fix things
my doctor thank you for his gift
wise counsel may I not forget
what can you do you cannot change them
you cannot control them
I surrender Father, their salvation is in your hand

Forgive me for anger
here in my heart I have killed my own blood
as your people did for they thought
they knew the way the story should end
but you hold the pen and you write the way
I cannot see the narrative until I see your face
Give me a quiet spirit
loving
patient humble too
an honest heart
a gentle spirit
a broken heart broken still
that I may minister, speak truth, out of the depts
knowing your will being done
is the greatest way.

how do I know this? he says I'm brainwashed
Lord but I know you
I trust you
You are who you are
A good and faithful Father
you bring your children out of slavery
Out of barrenness
Into a land of plenty and of peace
We know the way you do this speaks again to who you are
a slain lamb
sacrificing your life for ours

In every story of substitutionary atonement
hearts are pulled and tears fall
amazing love! how can it be!
may my heart be after yours
a servant heart
a sacrificial heart
a resolutely faithful to the Father's will heart
a faithful heart
a compassionate heart
a patient heart
a long-suffering heart
a generous heart
a trusting in God heart
a feeling heart
a loving heart

Father you began a good work in me
and will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ
and I can trust you, and fall into your hands
You will take care of me

real thoughts from vbs

I came on this blog to write about VBS Roar that just ended at church today and ended up writing a totally different post about random things on my mind. So here is a better reflection on VBS.

Day 1 - 

I was paired with Hewlett to do the opening and closing of each VBS day. Except that what the instruction manual counted as one VBS day = half a GBC VBS day, because well, we can do everything in half the time right!

Our segment involved skits, songs, dances, and some teaching activities. 

We taught the first two bible points through our safari adventures with Hannie Bannie & Ranger H skits - can I just say that the original Ranger H name in the manual was IRVING hahahhaha & Hannie Bannie evolved from my suggestion of Hannie Bunz (Cheryl's nickname for me which I find really funny and like) to this more rhyming one courtesy of deborah.  

The night before was the first time we actually practiced the first set like a full dress rehearsal - so it was only then that I realised HOW MUCH CONTINUOUS ENERGY it was going to take to teach, sing and dance the theme song, and then transform into hannie bannie and launch into the skit (remembering all the lines, emotions, and keeping the energy). In the first skit hannie bannie has a good fit of anger because she wants to sing and dance in the safari but is told by ranger H that she can't cos there are hyenas who she might wake up. to illustrate my frustration that LIFE WAS UNFAIR I had to do this SO UNFAIR EVERYTIME MY MOTHERS SAYS MY TEACHER SAYS EVERYONE DOESNT WANT ME TO PLAY BLA BLA BLA SO UNFAIR!!!! and then slump to the floor angrily - I scrunched my knees to my face and buried myself in my them so that I'd have time to recover from internally laughing after I threw the fit. I was so tired though  that when I'd gotten to the floor I think all the blood rushed to my head ahahha I think my face got really red but I suppose it added to the angry effect. 

Me after the first sing & play - you can't see but I'm so pooped

 


Besides my "station". I also was assigned a crew (group) to help look after, and that was so lovely! Even though I had to scoot off here and there to practice/prepare for the next big group session, I had good time to get to know the kids in my crew, and look out for some of the more reserved ones. Snack and lunch times were really precious, because that's usually where the kids true selves emerge - ravenous, greedy, self centered but also kind, generous, and unexpected acts of service, like listening and helping to clean up, sharing food with one another, helping each other to reach for food, leaving food so that everyone can have enough. Kids have such big hearts :)



I realised how quickly I saw differences in personalities between children, maybe because I'd already applied a 'parent' or 'observer' lens to their behaviour. Or maybe it was a 'figuring you out' lens because I was trying so many different way to engage and connect the kids all the time! 

Me learning chinese dance stretches from a crew kid - being inflexible is a good thing when you're with a flexible kid who needs a confidence boost! "you got to press your foot down" "yea I am..." 




On the way home after day 1 I went to Holland V to buy my floaty friend (aka a helium balloon for the next's day's bible point lesson - when life changes, God is good). I had a whole conversation with myself and God on the way home with my floaty friend. It was about how severe should we be with the children, because I'd felt that we were being to focused on getting things to be orderly and getting to military strict style with the children. I'll save those thoughts for another time though.

Day 2

I enjoyed the second day so much. 
Yes, there was more fist pumping heart stopping singing and dancing. 

Hannie bannie threw another fit LOL after one pre-VBS practice I did think to myself, are we playing OURSELVES, or rather how much of me is showing up in my acting. To be fair to myself, the style of the fit throwing for this skit always varied (it was a 'I DONT LIKE CHANGES' fit because Ranger H tells HB that they have to move, they can't stay in this place because a herd of rhinos are coming. Apparently it's a "crash" of rhinos.) Sometimes I'd give it a crying spin, some times shouting, some times pouting. The extent of my angsty expressions? teehee

 Played fun games - second bible point was when life is sad, God is good! Caleb's idea was to  play marco polo, and ask the blindfolded kids if they felt sad that they couldnt see during the game. None of them felt sad. HAHA of course! But it was special during kidvid cinema when we shared about the things that made us sad in life.

 Teaching the kids that when life changes (got two of my crew kids to come up and hit the balloon, left to right, and again, left to right, to show how life knocks us around) that we are always held fast by God, who is like a rock. He never changes, and the bible says that his steadfast love endures forever. We prayed for people who needed to know that God was like a rock in their lives.

Day 3
I don't have any photos haha but basically I was exhausted, it was fun and crazy because we launched over 100 balloons on the kids at the end to demonstrate that every good thing in life comes from God, and it's way more fun when we share God's goodness with each other!!! What was great about the finale was that the crew leaders had time to 'affirm' each child in the crew, to say to them what they were thankful for that the child had showed during VBS, e.g. love to a fellow crew member, respect, patience etc.

Really my biggest take away from VBS did come from the walk home with my floaty friend. Otherwise it was more of enjoying the privilege of being in these kids lives, to love them and influence them. I did have a long chat with a sobbing girl during snack time on day three, processing why she was angry and upset because of something that happened during the wet games. That was also a real gift - I confess that I was annoyed because I thought she was forcing herself to cry after a while for attention but whatever it was, she honestly was sad and it was good to talk things through, and opportunities to remind her of the gospel.

Something that happened during one of our pre-VBS practices though. When we were revising the skit lines, and for the day 2 section of asking kids what were some of the "God sightings" (seeing God at work) they had seen, debs said we can give the example 'maybe you had a really nice dinner last night'. I scoffed complaining that that was really superficial. But thank God they both contradicted me - and they were right! nothing is too superficial, every good thing comes from God - we just take the little things we are used to for granted. I was humbled, and I hope to be humbled some more. 

Thank you God for saving me. 

thoughts from vbs

VBS ended today. I got home just past three and fell asleep listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's audio book Between Heaven and the Real World (it is fantastic). I created a free audible trial account just to access it - nearing the end now and I wish I could add it to an audio library or something :'( also I discovered his sons' band Colony House & wow I haven't cared much for a band since Bombay Bicycle Club days but I really like their music AND their music videos! Tbh I think the drummer is the key to why they sound so good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJgle1V0Xrg&list=RD47iAwOy__UA&index=2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcoIbdT6n9I&list=OLAK5uy_m4bRPxkY8DPBANgHlFOsKq1CfW1VuItZs&index=3

been so blessed by their family this month through the book and a glimpse into their relationships with God.

Before the Steven Curtis Chapman book I was reading the Viking Quest series, it's a set of five children's books that mum read to us when we were little, about an Irish girl, Bree, and her brother, Devin, who get kidnapped by Viking raiders. I usually avoid ebooks, but I borrowed the entire series from the nlb collection! I really appreciate how my job has taught me to make good use these great free resources.

<so strange I feel like my voice is changing>
<my typing my way of speaking, it's been vetted>
<trimmed into new lines by her>
<over a year of routine>
<so if this is me now, why does it feel strange to write?>
<an increased sense of censorship>
<on lines of my own making>
<but if I recreate them>
<who is really doing the changing?>
<yet if I leave things uncut and raw>
<those too, don't sit well>
<rhyme and resolve, when will you return>
<I want to write something and not squirm>

I looked back at a few of my recent past blog posts. It's funny I cant seem to be patient enough to write coherent things most of the time HAHAHA. I guess this space is a strange place that's why? I've used it to just write for remembering, little Ebeneezers to mark things. I've also used it as a landing pad for all kinds of thoughts and feelings that couldn't come out right elsewhere. I did use it at times to write properly, like a smattering of poems that I edited, and some posts where I was thinking about talks I'd heard, or nicer reads about my life.

I really like writing but I feel I'm out of touch, hopefully I'll get back into it and write more :) 

Boring email words

Just want to note
For record please
As mentioned over the phone
You have borderline hypothyroidism

Considering long term lithium use,
We had checked with Dr T

How funny they are both Dr Ts
Haha
Hahahahha

Dr Ts had said that it was fine to stop taking lithium.
You are already on two other mood stabilisers.

But Dr T said...

He said she said T said
They still haven't celebrated their anniversary

Do try without for four weeks.

And see if there is any relapse?
But isn't lithium like, THE bipolar drug?

"Never stop taking lithium. Here is my card." - Arthur Kleinman, Cendana, Spring 2018.

If anything happens we won't be around, and then you want to go on holiday, maybe you want to do this another time?

I will call IMH tomorrow 20/8
I will call IMH tomorrow 21/8
I
don't really know what number to call lol

Kind regards,

A favourite place

A favourite place,

School gates
When children
Come pouring out,

Waiting areas
Where parents
Wave and shout,

frantically

fantastically

They're all special

Honesty in performance, pride in service

Jesus Predicts His Death

21 From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

Element - gospel

22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

Element - fear 

23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

Element - ungodliness

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

Element - two ways to live

 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

Element - judgement

Another lesson in doing the right thing. How could it come any way other than experience

lawlessness

thoughts that sum up this weeks state of affairs

https://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/tennis/107109630/officials-are-scared-veteran-tennis-official-seething-over-serena-williams-spat

http://www.tennis.com/pro-game/2018/09/carlos-ramos-correct-us-open-final-serena-williams-naomi-osaka-controversy/76919/

and here's the context

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dVcJg6AyS8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCm3BemDlj8

my heart goes out to Ramos and Osaka. Serena, I still respect you as a tennis player. Please speak for women in a way that is right, when it is right.

[21:43, 9/15/2018] Hannah: i was like crying
[21:43, 9/15/2018] Hannah: 1) so proud to see osaka win
[21:43, 9/15/2018] Hannah: 2) so moving to see serena push
[21:44, 9/15/2018] Hannah: 3) so disappointing to hear the way serena talked to the chair umpire (for the record I really respect this umpire and serena but this is not how tennis is meant to be)
[21:45, 9/15/2018] Hannah: 4) also disappointing that the tournament umpire (the "officials" who ran onto court when she disagreed with the chair umpire docking her a game point) did not overrule the chair umpires call. I think the chair umpire was right to give serena a warning like that for the way she was speaking to him. But given the stakes in the match, it would have be wiser for the officials to overrule it.
[21:46, 9/15/2018] Hannah: 5) shocked she was docked a game point at 4-3 in the second set so crazy
[21:49, 9/15/2018] Hannah: 6) Disappointed that she tried to spin this into a women's rights thing
[21:53, 9/15/2018] Hannah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irEIoJEM6bU
[21:53, 9/15/2018] Hannah: this is what makes me proud of my sport :)

confidence

I guess the real question is
do i want to become like AS
or like JC

and I already know the answer
Plus the HS is working it out
in me

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly host
Praise F, S + Holy Ghost

:)

4-6 weeks to think of my next steps?
stick close to Jesus
sleep sound in Jesus
listen hard for Jesus
all will be well

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-6qbUHVww

stick close to the angels

The Baptism of Jesus

9 In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. 10 And when he came up out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. 11 And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son;[d] with you I am well pleased.”

The Temptation of Jesus

12 The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. 13 And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. And he was with the wild animals, and the angels were ministering to him.

---

anyway

---

Arthur Kleinman's recommended reading is enlightening. It was written in 1890.

---

I like this part:

If habits are due to the plasticity of materials to outward agents, we can immediately see to what outward influences, if to any, the brain-matter is plastic. Not to mechanical pressures, not to thermal changes, not to any of the forces to which all the other organs of the body are exposed; for nature has carefully shut up our brain and spinal cord in bony boxes, where no influences of this sort can get at them. She has floated them in fluid so that only the severest shocks can give them a concussion, and blanketed and wrapped them about in an altogether exceptional way. The only impressions that can be made upon them are through the blood, on the one hand, and through the sensory nerve-roots, on the other; and it is to the infinitely attenuated currents that pour in through these latter channels that the hemispherical cortex shows itself to be so peculiarly susceptible. The currents, once in, must find a way out. In getting out they leave their traces in the paths which they take. The only thing the can do, in short, is the deepen old paths or to make new ones; and the whole plasticity of the brain sums itself up in two words when we call it an organ in which currents pouring in from the sense-organs make with extreme facility paths which do not easily disappear. For, of course, a simple habit, like every other nervous event - the habit of snuffling, for example, or of putting one's hands into one's pockets, or of biting one's nails - is, mechanically, nothing but a reflex discharge; and its anatomical substratum must be a path in the system. The most complex habits, as we shall presently see more fully, are, from the same point of view, nothing but concentrated discharges in the nerve-centres, due to the presence there of systems of reflex paths, so organized as to wake each other up successively - the impression produced by one muscular contraction serving as a stimulus to provoke the next, until a final impression inhibits the process and closes the chain. The only difficult mechanical problem is to explain the formation de novo of a simple reflex or path in a pre-existing nervous system. Here, as in so many other cases, it is only the premier pas qui coute. 

premier pas qui coûte
: it is only the first step that costs: only the beginning is difficult

shopping/ wishing / stopping

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/17564/humility-audio-book [liz]

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/12597/disciplines-of-a-godly-woman

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/23873/i-am

sad
sad
sad

sigh.

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/20453/chequebook-of-the-bank-of

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/21457/a-chance-to-die

calling

where in the world
is the word
vocation
used nowadays?

is it like the german system of apprenticeship?

"In many societies in Southeast Asia, contra Weber, professionalization has thus not necessarily entailed a withdrawal from state and power; on the contrary, vocational professionals are more frequently socially oriented. Doctors who move to dabble in politics often find the transition from one to the other is never really complete; their politics and medical practice are rarely mutually exclusive.
The nature of their training no doubt played a role, too. Early generations of indigenous doctors, like lawyers, were highly educated, and occupy an important social strata as a professional nationalist intelligentsia. They were mobile subjects, often educated abroad and exposed to many different forms of government, social systems and ideological influences; yet the medical training they received disposed them to view their sociopolitical environment as a subjective plurality through which ran the rational, objective truth of modern science" p.2-3 (bold mine)

https://www.academia.edu/2976472/Healing_the_Nation_Politics_Medicine_and_Analogies_of_Health_in_Southeast_Asia_version_1.0_

Learnin journeyin

But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross

[11/05, 19:46] Hannah: As she was drawing me I was painting a sunflower on the other side of the lantern. But I still heard  describe my portrait, and she said "let's add a halo because she's a goody two shoes" to which I remarked "that's nice" sarcastically and kept painting.

Reminds me of me when I see the world critically and keep my tongue unchecked. Then the tongue is like a whip or a chord that lashes out and cuts sharply into those it judges. Thank God He is our great redeemer, healer and friend. Words will never kill me and what a tears but a little drop of rain 😊😂🍃🙏🏼💪💪🏿❤💩💞🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🙆🏻‍♀

[11/05, 19:53] Hannah: In other news, I had a lovely conversation in Chinese with our taxi driver to shifen (the place you light the lanterns) about Jesus 😍 and fo jiao (Buddhism) it was lovely and life giving! And very interesting insights into the way he viewed Christianity (I think mainly through Western countries as proxies for Christian values/ "philosophy") he made a comment, "that's why fo jiao countries will always be poor, because they are helping others" in comparison to Christinaity which intervenes like America. But he had never read the bible for himself and didn't know Jesus claims to be God. He thinks Jesus is a teacher to lead you on the path to God just like Buddah is. But he took my point that only a sinless person can take the sins of a sinful person. And if Buddha is sinless then he isn't human - all humans sin. And I enjoyed, as always, the bundles of truth and wisdom that come rolling in with Chinese values. It's just always impossible to get a word in hahaha but thank goodness I have learnt the art of mmm-ing and am growing in my joy of listening. And one of the last things religious related I said was 绅是爱 and he concurred. May God have mercy and bless him. Jess was just happy because after all that he decided to give us a discount haha

thank you kay redfield jamison, marcia inhorn and arthur kleinman // he said she said

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPxrZg9XeF0

I really like Jon Foreman's music because it's just so real. 

Today I had a chat with Arthur Kleinman, he is the kindest yet wise and sharpest "old" scholar I know. I so grateful to God - he is really sending me all his angels in this time of senselessness. 

He gave me good advice. 
1) Avoid being alone he said
2) Wake up at 6.30 he said
3) Do a 30-45 minutes "energy burner" in the morning (e.g. yoga/ tai chi/ lift weights whatever) It just has to be systematic. I like morning walks and sometimes jogs and yoga!
4) Keep a regular, good diet. Sit down with a nutritionist and work out a systematic diet.
5) Read an unquiet mind (I'd already read it); read Kay Jamison's biography of Robert Lowell, he had manic depression disorder too. I am "genetically programmed to be creative", he said
6) read a chapter by William James in his Principles of Psychology, just the chapter on habits; why habits are crucial
7) Stay on lithium. Stay on it. And go for regular blood tests.

Writing point 7 just now cut my heart a bit. I still don't understand God why. Why? But I trust you. And I trust my doctor. Thank you - for giving me all the people I need for the moment. And for the future - it scares me. But I know you will be with me always. I will be ok! 

2 songs I'm listening to right now,

I'm holding on to you
And I won't let go
You're the one that I can't loose
And I won't let go
You're the only thing that's true
In this whole world of black eyed blues
And disillusioned points of view
And I won't let go
The pain feels like a knife
But I'm not giving up on life

and 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrSJwO5dJXg 

I will only sing your praise. 

Professor Kleinman also kindly advised me to "take a reasonable period of time (4-6 weeks) to think about what the next step in your life will be" 
And while I'm doing that to think about 
/ friends / 
stable relationship. 

Don't live in a fantasy world
Discipline my thoughts
Don't invalid myself.

whispers 欧服 summer

I澳门having送么troublewith没有可以board

our love is like a song we can't forget it/ thank you for saving me/ over and over again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaTYbUugDYU

Joni's desiringGod article  = real worlds of wisdom

haha "worlds of wisdom"
 i meant words of wisdom, but that works too...actually probably makes more sense metaphorically ;)

She needs to be taken literally by my generation...ah the folly of youth. foolish foolish foolish young people!

someone needs her book...who could it be? R.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/beware-of-running-too-hard

resurrection letters...they make me cry.

Free to go

Jesus answered, "I told you that I am he. So, if you seek me, let these men go." (John 18:8)

If you died that I might live
I needn't labour to make sure
There is no work that I could do
Strong enough to raise the dead

"This was to fulfil the word that he had spoken: "Of those whom you gave me I have lost not one." (18:9)

Your love will not let me go
Lord take me back...
Let my humility run deep
Empty me of what I am!
Father I am in your hands
Show me how I fit into your kingdom plan
Every step, when I don't understand
I trust you x

hypocrisy of the SJW

4 But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him,objected, 5 “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.[b]” 6 He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

7 “Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. 8 You will always have the poor among you,[c] but you will not always have me.”

9 Meanwhile a large crowd of Jews found out that Jesus was there and came, not only because of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, 11 for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and believing in him.

Father

I'm so spent

Why does my heart care

So damn much

Why do I feel

So stupidly strong

About what is right

And what is wrong

Is this worldly condemnation

Is this how it's supposed to be?

Is this carrying my cross

Will this last - eternally?

Oh look to the ant you sluggard!

Then weep at your sin

And look to the cross

I must become less

Trusting you, You will become more

Because You Are. 

All that's fair and true and worth fighting for

You are the Truth

Only You truly set us free

So what they are seeking

What we all crave

Is to be with you

But where are you now?

In better public systems?

In romantic relationships?

Fun? Travelling? "Giving back"

You tell us where you are, 

and so you have. 

15“If you love me, keep my commands. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be^c in you.18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” John 14:15-21

https://www.gotquestions.org/body-of-Christ.html 

What a comfort to know, I am in you and you in me. 

:)

Lonely no more :)

:)

I have calmed and quieted my soul

Like a weaned child with its mother

Like a weaned child is my soul within me

Psalm 131 on that dangerous road to Jerusalem for the festivals 

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;

    my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
    too great and too marvelous for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
    from this time forth and forevermore.