Free to go

Jesus answered, "I told you that I am he. So, if you seek me, let these men go." (John 18:8)

If you died that I might live
I needn't labour to make sure
There is no work that I could do
Strong enough to raise the dead

"This was to fulfil the word that he had spoken: "Of those whom you gave me I have lost not one." (18:9)

Your love will not let me go
Lord take me back...
Let my humility run deep
Empty me of what I am!
Father I am in your hands
Show me how I fit into your kingdom plan
Every step, when I don't understand
I trust you x

hypocrisy of the SJW

4 But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him,objected, 5 “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.[b]” 6 He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

7 “Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. 8 You will always have the poor among you,[c] but you will not always have me.”

9 Meanwhile a large crowd of Jews found out that Jesus was there and came, not only because of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, 11 for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and believing in him.

Father

I'm so spent

Why does my heart care

So damn much

Why do I feel

So stupidly strong

About what is right

And what is wrong

Is this worldly condemnation

Is this how it's supposed to be?

Is this carrying my cross

Will this last - eternally?

Oh look to the ant you sluggard!

Then weep at your sin

And look to the cross

I must become less

Trusting you, You will become more

Because You Are. 

All that's fair and true and worth fighting for

You are the Truth

Only You truly set us free

So what they are seeking

What we all crave

Is to be with you

But where are you now?

In better public systems?

In romantic relationships?

Fun? Travelling? "Giving back"

You tell us where you are, 

and so you have. 

15“If you love me, keep my commands. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be^c in you.18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” John 14:15-21

https://www.gotquestions.org/body-of-Christ.html 

What a comfort to know, I am in you and you in me. 

:)

Lonely no more :)

:)

I have calmed and quieted my soul

Like a weaned child with its mother

Like a weaned child is my soul within me

Psalm 131 on that dangerous road to Jerusalem for the festivals 

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;

    my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
    too great and too marvelous for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Sometimes I don't know what to believe

I wish

So many things
Then get discouraged and disappointed
For wishing
That those I think of as closest to me could be
Things they just cannot be
 things that I can't expect them to be.

Stop building idols in people
Stop looking to people for hope
Jesus is the only true Savior.
No one else has the power necessary to rescue from the pit.

Thank God for God.
I'll keep praying for support.

https://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2016/june/living-with-bipolar-disorder-mental-illness-depression.html

books :') time to be quiet now. and read books.

“Accept that there are things in this world we can never explain and life will be understandable. That is the irony of life. It is also the beauty of it.” 
― Tan Twan Eng, The Gift of Rain

“Never meet a person’s anger directly. Deflect, distract him, even agree with him. Unbalance his mind, and you can lead him anywhere you want.” 
― Tan Twan Eng, The Gift Of Rain

“Accept that there are things in this world we can never explain and life will be understandable. That is the irony of life. It is also the beauty of it.” 
― Tan Twan Eng, The Gift of Rain

seeking the light/not willing to be blind/stop saying relax...it leads to death

Emily Martin - Bipolar Expeditions: Mania and Depression in American Culture 

From 12.10-15.11

I've come up with this phrase, living under the description of bipolar disorder as a way of dealing with the question that I get all the time:is bipolar disorder biological (is it a biological condition) or is it culturally constructed...my opinion about this is that everything human is both biological and culturally constructed and it is probably a fool's errand to try and tease the two apart in any definitive way. 

So the phrase is meant to resist the apparent necessity of such a choice (this or that) - to reject the choice and to say that both sides of this apparent dichotomy are real,  both are material, both are symbolic and both are filled with the ability or desire to imagine the world.

I worry that talking about bipolar disorder as culturally constructed might led one to ignore the very real material effects of this diagnosis - this and any diagnosis, especially psychiatric ones. A psychiatric diagnosis is a material fact. If you get one and it's a major one it has immediate material effects on employment, insurance, on life expectancy, admission to all kinds of contexts. So it's not culturally constructed exactly, do you understand what I'm saying? It's real, it has material effects. 

I won't transcribe the rest but it's very helpful, a tree metaphor to say that though different people/cultures may describe one thing in different ways, it's still a real thing and it's still the same thing.

Another good point about how though when a loved one gets bipolar it can seem like their whole person goes with them, it's not true. They don't morph from A to B - that's crazy! They. are. not. a. bipolar. THING. Bipolar just becomes one part of their experience; true, a very big part at times but not all-encompassing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67QCOpk6EgE

http://www.thelancet.com/pdfs/journals/lancet/PIIS0140-6736(08)60152-X.pdf

:'( ... ok

sad. do i mess everything up.

nope! silly head talking.

being a sinner doesnt mean you ARE sin - im not the root cause of everyone's life problems. that's pretty great tbh that means i dont have to feel INDEBTED to saving n helping everyone. pick up yo own rubbish.

but i can pray for the world :)  #prayingfortheworld :) :) :)

i will trust in you Father. Keep my head in YOUR book. Not in the clouds, not in the books. Ah school...the problem and solution. cries. 

Kanchong spiders/ look to the sky!

We are what we look up to.