confidence

I guess the real question is
do i want to become like AS
or like JC

and I already know the answer
Plus the HS is working it out
in me

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly host
Praise F, S + Holy Ghost

:)

4-6 weeks to think of my next steps?
stick close to Jesus
sleep sound in Jesus
listen hard for Jesus
all will be well

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-6qbUHVww

stick close to the angels

The Baptism of Jesus

9 In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. 10 And when he came up out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. 11 And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son;[d] with you I am well pleased.”

The Temptation of Jesus

12 The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. 13 And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. And he was with the wild animals, and the angels were ministering to him.

---

anyway

---

Arthur Kleinman's recommended reading is enlightening. It was written in 1890.

---

I like this part:

If habits are due to the plasticity of materials to outward agents, we can immediately see to what outward influences, if to any, the brain-matter is plastic. Not to mechanical pressures, not to thermal changes, not to any of the forces to which all the other organs of the body are exposed; for nature has carefully shut up our brain and spinal cord in bony boxes, where no influences of this sort can get at them. She has floated them in fluid so that only the severest shocks can give them a concussion, and blanketed and wrapped them about in an altogether exceptional way. The only impressions that can be made upon them are through the blood, on the one hand, and through the sensory nerve-roots, on the other; and it is to the infinitely attenuated currents that pour in through these latter channels that the hemispherical cortex shows itself to be so peculiarly susceptible. The currents, once in, must find a way out. In getting out they leave their traces in the paths which they take. The only thing the can do, in short, is the deepen old paths or to make new ones; and the whole plasticity of the brain sums itself up in two words when we call it an organ in which currents pouring in from the sense-organs make with extreme facility paths which do not easily disappear. For, of course, a simple habit, like every other nervous event - the habit of snuffling, for example, or of putting one's hands into one's pockets, or of biting one's nails - is, mechanically, nothing but a reflex discharge; and its anatomical substratum must be a path in the system. The most complex habits, as we shall presently see more fully, are, from the same point of view, nothing but concentrated discharges in the nerve-centres, due to the presence there of systems of reflex paths, so organized as to wake each other up successively - the impression produced by one muscular contraction serving as a stimulus to provoke the next, until a final impression inhibits the process and closes the chain. The only difficult mechanical problem is to explain the formation de novo of a simple reflex or path in a pre-existing nervous system. Here, as in so many other cases, it is only the premier pas qui coute. 

premier pas qui coûte
: it is only the first step that costs: only the beginning is difficult

shopping/ wishing / stopping

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/17564/humility-audio-book [liz]

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/12597/disciplines-of-a-godly-woman

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/23873/i-am

sad
sad
sad

sigh.

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/20453/chequebook-of-the-bank-of

https://www.10ofthose.com/products/21457/a-chance-to-die

calling

where in the world
is the word
vocation
used nowadays?

is it like the german system of apprenticeship?

"In many societies in Southeast Asia, contra Weber, professionalization has thus not necessarily entailed a withdrawal from state and power; on the contrary, vocational professionals are more frequently socially oriented. Doctors who move to dabble in politics often find the transition from one to the other is never really complete; their politics and medical practice are rarely mutually exclusive.
The nature of their training no doubt played a role, too. Early generations of indigenous doctors, like lawyers, were highly educated, and occupy an important social strata as a professional nationalist intelligentsia. They were mobile subjects, often educated abroad and exposed to many different forms of government, social systems and ideological influences; yet the medical training they received disposed them to view their sociopolitical environment as a subjective plurality through which ran the rational, objective truth of modern science" p.2-3 (bold mine)

https://www.academia.edu/2976472/Healing_the_Nation_Politics_Medicine_and_Analogies_of_Health_in_Southeast_Asia_version_1.0_

Learnin journeyin

But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross

[11/05, 19:46] Hannah: As she was drawing me I was painting a sunflower on the other side of the lantern. But I still heard  describe my portrait, and she said "let's add a halo because she's a goody two shoes" to which I remarked "that's nice" sarcastically and kept painting.

Reminds me of me when I see the world critically and keep my tongue unchecked. Then the tongue is like a whip or a chord that lashes out and cuts sharply into those it judges. Thank God He is our great redeemer, healer and friend. Words will never kill me and what a tears but a little drop of rain 😊😂🍃🙏🏼💪💪🏿❤💩💞🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🙆🏻‍♀

[11/05, 19:53] Hannah: In other news, I had a lovely conversation in Chinese with our taxi driver to shifen (the place you light the lanterns) about Jesus 😍 and fo jiao (Buddhism) it was lovely and life giving! And very interesting insights into the way he viewed Christianity (I think mainly through Western countries as proxies for Christian values/ "philosophy") he made a comment, "that's why fo jiao countries will always be poor, because they are helping others" in comparison to Christinaity which intervenes like America. But he had never read the bible for himself and didn't know Jesus claims to be God. He thinks Jesus is a teacher to lead you on the path to God just like Buddah is. But he took my point that only a sinless person can take the sins of a sinful person. And if Buddha is sinless then he isn't human - all humans sin. And I enjoyed, as always, the bundles of truth and wisdom that come rolling in with Chinese values. It's just always impossible to get a word in hahaha but thank goodness I have learnt the art of mmm-ing and am growing in my joy of listening. And one of the last things religious related I said was 绅是爱 and he concurred. May God have mercy and bless him. Jess was just happy because after all that he decided to give us a discount haha

thank you kay redfield jamison, marcia inhorn and arthur kleinman // he said she said

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPxrZg9XeF0

I really like Jon Foreman's music because it's just so real. 

Today I had a chat with Arthur Kleinman, he is the kindest yet wise and sharpest "old" scholar I know. I so grateful to God - he is really sending me all his angels in this time of senselessness. 

He gave me good advice. 
1) Avoid being alone he said
2) Wake up at 6.30 he said
3) Do a 30-45 minutes "energy burner" in the morning (e.g. yoga/ tai chi/ lift weights whatever) It just has to be systematic. I like morning walks and sometimes jogs and yoga!
4) Keep a regular, good diet. Sit down with a nutritionist and work out a systematic diet.
5) Read an unquiet mind (I'd already read it); read Kay Jamison's biography of Robert Lowell, he had manic depression disorder too. I am "genetically programmed to be creative", he said
6) read a chapter by William James in his Principles of Psychology, just the chapter on habits; why habits are crucial
7) Stay on lithium. Stay on it. And go for regular blood tests.

Writing point 7 just now cut my heart a bit. I still don't understand God why. Why? But I trust you. And I trust my doctor. Thank you - for giving me all the people I need for the moment. And for the future - it scares me. But I know you will be with me always. I will be ok! 

2 songs I'm listening to right now,

I'm holding on to you
And I won't let go
You're the one that I can't loose
And I won't let go
You're the only thing that's true
In this whole world of black eyed blues
And disillusioned points of view
And I won't let go
The pain feels like a knife
But I'm not giving up on life

and 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrSJwO5dJXg 

I will only sing your praise. 

Professor Kleinman also kindly advised me to "take a reasonable period of time (4-6 weeks) to think about what the next step in your life will be" 
And while I'm doing that to think about 
/ friends / 
stable relationship. 

Don't live in a fantasy world
Discipline my thoughts
Don't invalid myself.

whispers 欧服 summer

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