this is pretty cool

https://www.brettmccracken.com/blog/2017/8/3/the-wisdom-pyramid
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/watch-diet-in-covid-19-crisis/

and having done CBT I think it's really a key to managing certain aspects of mental illness

No more

At the start
It was Joshua
Be strong and courageous

Not to leave your words
Not even a bit

But I did

Then it was Romans
Consider yourself
Dead to sin
Alive in Christ

I considered

The middle is a bit hazy
I thank you for a period of general rest

I think it was Timothy
Training in godliness
Or was it Peter
Humility run deep

Cos now it's Matthew
The words I speak
Reveal the deep
Desires and curses
Of my heart

A foul truth
A bottomless pit

I admit
I've lost my rythm
But you know this

Why the shame
To confess
Again
I'm nothing
But a whiny
Deceptive
Lazy
Spoilt
Blaming
Angry
Sinner
Saved by grace
Grace!
Grace upon grace!!
How much grace you must possess
To save all the sin
In the world!

How kind
Patient
Merciful
Wise
You are

Let not the devil tell me I'm fake
I am fallen
I fail again and again
But I come to you Jesus
I trust your redemption
I will keep praising you

Lead on
Lead on

my floaty friend

I thought kids were supposed to play? have fun? I looked at my floaty friend, as I held the helium balloon by its weighted string on the MRT, on the walk home from one-north. On the train I had to hold it really short, like it wasn't flying away at all - I didn't think much of this at all at the time because it felt natural to keep a short lead since we were on the train. 

But on the walk home from one north, I passed some of the fusionopolis/galaxis/solaris office buildings, and one of the walkways was quite tight. And there were all these office workers on their way to the train station after work walking towards me, and also the walkway is open on one side but the other side is a neat row of bushes. I was happy to let my floaty friend loose after the MRT ride, but I had to reel it in again because I didn't want it to burst on the bushes while we squeeze past the office workers. So for its own sake. Only when I got to the Portsdown slope then I could really let it fly as high as it went. 

I thought of the song I'd written for Miriam on that walk before she left for Cambridge, when dad cried. little bird away you fly, up and up your going high...I wonder if she has all the words, we could record it with Tim! Anyway, the important question I thought of at the end was, ok training your child in the way he should go takes a village, and the string goes up and down, but what's our real hope eventually? That the balloon will fly up to heaven? We can't take it there ourselves though.

We can only let it go and trust the helium will get it there. Make sure it's got a sturdy shell that won't break with the altitude, and trust that when it seems like the helium has run out, the Holy Spirit will continue to lift you up. 

Church & CG 26 April Luke 7:18-35

O my soul, put your hope in God
My help, my Rock, I will praise Him
Sing, oh, sing through the raging storm
You're still my God, my salvation!

Lord there are things I've prayed
Not come true
So my tongue, I've stayed
Said and thought it's in your hands
but underneath my heart is mad

Wanting wanting all my life
my family complete, restored, made right
the biggest torn inside my heart
is not the one at my side
but the one that long ago that Scottish night
ripped open my world
and plunged into night
my parents fighting
became something
else

and so I blocked it out
shrugged it off
but when it comes, it comes in waves
the grief unchecked
the pain is there
beneath the present, there is scar
history and apologies
not acknowledge, not returned
sorry, we missed
a life of loving each other it seems

God now I come to you
I know you see all my sin
everything I've contributed
all I said and all I say
The tongue that cannot be tamed
by my strength
but you are powerful still over my unbridled way
I will lay myself down at your feet
heal me heal me O my saviour

I cannot fix things
my doctor thank you for his gift
wise counsel may I not forget
what can you do you cannot change them
you cannot control them
I surrender Father, their salvation is in your hand

Forgive me for anger
here in my heart I have killed my own blood
as your people did for they thought
they knew the way the story should end
but you hold the pen and you write the way
I cannot see the narrative until I see your face
Give me a quiet spirit
loving
patient humble too
an honest heart
a gentle spirit
a broken heart broken still
that I may minister, speak truth, out of the depts
knowing your will being done
is the greatest way.

how do I know this? he says I'm brainwashed
Lord but I know you
I trust you
You are who you are
A good and faithful Father
you bring your children out of slavery
Out of barrenness
Into a land of plenty and of peace
We know the way you do this speaks again to who you are
a slain lamb
sacrificing your life for ours

In every story of substitutionary atonement
hearts are pulled and tears fall
amazing love! how can it be!
may my heart be after yours
a servant heart
a sacrificial heart
a resolutely faithful to the Father's will heart
a faithful heart
a compassionate heart
a patient heart
a long-suffering heart
a generous heart
a trusting in God heart
a feeling heart
a loving heart

Father you began a good work in me
and will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ
and I can trust you, and fall into your hands
You will take care of me