Talking to angels

Warm
Wrapped around like a shawl
Loose but snug
Not too tight
Just right

Slow
Folding plastic bags
One after the other
Repeated
Rhythms

Love
Dimly lit but clear
Strong and without fear
Never letting go
Quietly do you know

Here
With me all the time
Heart and mind
Resting
Restless

Trust
Breathing out
Putting down
Opening wide
Smiling/I cry

Be not nobody

Nobody sees
That's what hurts the most
That's what it feels like
Nobody knows
Nobody knows

Me
That's all my mind is thinking of
And I know I know it's wrong
But it's really hard to get outside of myself
At least right now

When it hurts
When it really really hurts
It feels like it will always be this way
Nothing changes
No help comes

Just me
Alone
Just me
Alone
Alone

Little things trigger it
It is a constant weight behind the mask
I can be all smiles
Roaring with laughter
But the weight stays

Underground
Overground
It's always there somewhere
Sneaking in the background
Ready to pounce

One mean word
One swift rejection
Too much time
Without paying attention
Moping about, restless

Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep becomes comfort
So does food

Till all I do is sleep and eat
The story of our lives
But I fight
I really try to fight
It just doesn't feel worth it

When at the end of the day
You wind up defeated
Again
And again and again
And you wonder when this will end

What is the point
Of fighting
Why not just let the storm rage
Let the darkness roar
Hide away

Under covers
Hide away
Till you recover
Will I recover
I just want my mum

No, they say
You chose this path
Be strong
Be stronger
I just want my mum

Is that so unfair
Is that so wrong
I
Just want
My mum

A helper
A comfort
Who knows me
I just want
My God

Where have you gone!
It feels like I don't even
Know you anymore
I'm so angry
Why

Why am I angry

Truth is
I've been fed so many lies
By people trying to help me
And my mind has been muddled
I want to see clearly

No I did not choose You
I don't choose this
I cannot choose to be strong
But you can make me strong even with this
You chose me

I knew it once before
You chose me
And You're never going to return
Or go back on your promises
You are faithful

You are faithful
You are eternal
You love us
You are good
I knew this once

Help me to know it once more
I still know You deep down
I am Yours
I can't ever undo
What the spirit has called

Give me rest Lord
Keep me safe
Fill me with Your power
To labor another day
And be still for Your name's sake

the power of music

My worth is not in what I own
Not in the strength of flesh and bone
But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross

My worth is not in skill or name
In win or lose, in pride or shame
But in the blood of Christ that flowed 
At the cross

Refrain: 
I rejoice in my Redeemer
Greatest Treasure, 
Wellspring of my soul
I will trust in Him, no other. 
My soul is satisfied in Him alone. 

As summer flowers we fade and die
Fame, youth and beauty hurry by
But life eternal calls to us 
At the cross 

I will not boast in wealth or might
Or human wisdom's fleeting light
But I will boast in knowing Christ
At the cross

Two wonders here that I confess
My worth and my unworthiness
My value fixed - my ransom paid
At the cross