ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

true but also not true
oh living for the kingdom
so hard
so simple
blurs all lines
makes me nimble
haha nearly nothing matters
but dammit
the heart
likes to go on holiday
come back little heart
you're alright where you are
:)
and life goes on

the little things

all I want
& nothing more
to hear these words
at heavens door
to look into your face O Lord
And then with you forevermore

His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

Keep to the old roads
Keep to the old roads
and you'll find your way

"Don't you love people, who are so deep with Jesus, they know where it's at - the water. They live by the fountain; they never go anywhere, they just live there. They're not jumping from, job to job and wife to wife and girlfriend to girlfriend and job to job to hairstyle to hairstyle, they are so THERE."

my title was not what i was really thinking (Isaiah 63)

7The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7

it literally means fear ok. fear is so powerful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah82CaBRk7c

I so miss teaching the youth with all these crazy fun game stuff...

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom^a you learned it 15and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17that the man of God^b may be complete, equipped for every good work. 1 Tim 3

 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵ According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words. Thess 4

I think the thoughts from this came from something I wrote about lions:

Jesus I return to you
the true Daniel
who takes my place
in the den
of lions
who bids me come
abide in him
but promises
that I will win
for nothing here
upon this earth
can roar so loud
that breaks sins curse
but only Christ
who for me died
can take away
my stubborn pride
he woos me come
and be his bride
no lion here
just by his side

//

though you're in pain,
don't play the blame game
Jesus is here -
he hasn't disappeared
He bids you come
turn now from fear
Have faith, he'll help your unbelief

There are others in the den, that Jesus has called to join,
and he asks us to trust him & call them out
- trust me, the lions cannot separate you from me he says.
Is that my utmost desire?
To be with Jesus always?
If it isn't then it's no wonder we're not evangelising.

When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love Him. - Elizabeth Elliot

Grandma's House

It’s raining.

Will this always be grandma’s house?

No it won’t.

Just like the seasons, the seasons come and go

The flowers, plants,

they

come and go.

They wither, they die, new buds spring forth.

Can’t hold on to this house, or to

Grandma to come back to this house.

She’s in a better house, she’s in God’s house,

she’s in the Father’s house.

When the Lord comes back he will call us all together;

the dead in Christ will rise first

and we will all meet him in the air

so we will all be with the Lord forever

and we will all be in the Father’s house worshiping together

forever and ever.

We won’t need this house,

Grandma’s house

Because there was sorrow that came along with the joy as well

It was so often a sanctuary but it also really wasn’t.

It could never keep out

it could never truly keep out

all the problems, everything outside

It wasn’t a solution, it was a gift

and now it’s been taken back

to the giver of all gifts.

LORD thank you for Grandma,

thank you for giving her to us

thank you that we were so blessed;

she was a grandma we could always go to for hugs and hot water bottles and just nice things just love and guidance and funny things as well

thank you that she shared her life with us

and she cared for us

Though walking into every room, it feels like

She might still be here

Where is she?

Why is she not sitting in her armchair?

Why

She’s not here.

Mary, Mary

Why are you crying?

He is not here, he is risen.

He is risen!

Lord you have not left us orphans,

And because you live we will live also.

And beause you live grandma will live also

And we will see her again.

Thank you

That you don’t leave us orphans

You leave us with your word

That the Holy Spirit helped the apostles to write

and now the Holy Spirit helps us to see and understand

and to know you

But the spirit blows where it wills and we don’t see it,

We don’t know where it goes…

I pray that you will blow the spirit into this family

We need you

We need you

And I know there’s so much work to be done,

your work LORD;

Please keep me faithful to speaking your truth in love into C's life, R's life

What am I doing here crying?

Why am I wasting time for crying over people whose eternal salvation is secured?

So many still don’t know you.

And they’ll never see grandma again unless they do

LORD I pray that you will help me fix my eyes on the kingdom.

On the comfort and the joy of the kingdom

But also of the work of the kingdom.

I pray that you’ll help me put my faith in you – that you are working in this world still, you haven’t left us

You haven’t just left us to fall apart.

That even in all the problems and all the pain you are calling your people to yourself LORD.

And I pray that I would learn LORD, to be bolder to say the words even to people like  who I feel  will think I’m crazy and yeah will bar me from  or something but LORD,   needs to hear you too,  ’s part of our family too and we love  . Help me to love   more.

Thank you LORD for showing me to move forward

Standing on the shoulders of spiritual giants who have given their lives to people

To your people

To grow us

And LORD I pray now that I won’t cling on to wanting them back

But I will be a disciple who makes disciples –

that I would be a true disciple, so that their work would not be in vain.

I pray these things

And I ask for LORD just for extra wisdom and sensitivity, and knowledge of how to love doing your work and be able to be real and soft and gentle at the same time. Not try and shut out my own emotions for fear that they’ll overpower me. And make me fruitless/useless in your ministry. You’ve given us all we need for life and godliness and I pray that I would increase in all virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly-affection and love.

//

I was just thinking about John 11:35 when Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus. And I rmb at SOAS CU we talked about how this shows us Jesus deep love for his peoples, anguish at the broken world...But I also just realised that the fact that this is recorded for us means that Jesus didn't hide away and cry. He wasn't ashamed of showing how wrong he felt the world to be...just thinking of this en route back to London from my grandmas village n thinking about how pretending that we don't feel any of the pain in the world just because we have a sure hope in the gospel securing for us a place in God's future glorious kingdom isn't the pattern Jesus set for us :) The brokenness of a sinful world is real and it hurts because God didn't make the world to be this way. It also hurts to see those we love try so hard to save themselves but reject the only true light. But there is work to be done. And so we press on to be faithful to the upward call of Christ to labor in his harvest fields, to bring his elect into his kingdom.

Boat People

Just watched Boat People by Ann Hui and came back to do a bit of reasearch and stumbled upon a present day link -- http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/refugee-crisis-son-of-vietnamese-boat-people-shares-story-of-how-britain-treated-asylum-seekers-in-10493316.html

Am glad I'm taking the course on the refugee crisis EOY.

The Carefree Christian

This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. There judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. (1 Corinthians 4:3-5, NIV)

Is life really one unending bell curve?

We love to judge by comparison, from school rankings and performance appraisals, to our fluctuating notions of rich and successful. In church, we even dare to measure holiness horizontally, like the Pharisee who prayed “thank you God I am not like that terrible person over there”.

The topic of how we are judged is what Paul picks up on in 1 Corinthians 4. In verses 1 and 2, he reminds the Corinthian church of his identity as a minister and the expectations that come with it. 

Usually when a leader takes office, he or she is sworn-in and promises to perform their duties well. But instead of appeasing his audience, Paul declares he cares very little if he is judged by them or any human court. I don’t care what you think about the effectiveness of my ministry, he says; my identity is not tied to your evaluation.

Paul’s carefree position is a hard one to get to. We are often told, “don’t care about what people say about you, focus on yourself and living up to your own goals.” But Paul knows that our own standards are often unattainable and still motivated by others in the equation, leaving us guilty and self-loathing when we fail ourselves. And so he goes a step further and says he does not even care how he judges himself.

Can you see the trappings of Paul’s life start to fall away?

There is nothing that matters to Paul apart from the honest scales of God.

Like Isaiah and Job in the Old Testament[1], Paul knows it does not matter what we or anybody else thinks of our life’s work when we find ourselves before our Maker – it will not make us innocent. Ultimately, the standard by which we are judged is not a curve but the absolute standard of God’s perfection.

O holy Judge, here is my heart
What can I say to You?
Where could I run, how could I hide?
Darkness is day to You
The heart of a man is a maze within
So, come, light the way, illuminate sin
Nothing’s concealed, all is revealed
Jesus, I yield to You

I was condemned under Your law
Rightly I stood accused
I felt my need, my conscience agreed
I was without excuse
So how can I judge the ones who fall?
I know in my heart I’m just like them all
I will confess: my righteousness
Jesus, must rest in You

The Carefree Christian does not care for any verdict but Christ’s; all have fallen short of God’s standards and He is the only way God will judge us not-guilty. She holds on to the truths that she is a sinner yet justified by faith in Christ, and abandons everything else that contests for her identity. Because she is secure as God’s beloved, she no longer connects her failings or triumphs to her onward mission as a servant of Christ, “judg[ing] nothing” before the Lord comes but “wait[ing]” for that day. This is gospel-humility: self-forgetfulness that sets you free to think about Christ more! The Carefree Christian thus becomes a person who cares more because they have dropped out of life’s competition. They already know that on the day the Lord passes absolute judgement they will be praised and not punished, commended not condemned, and they long to bring others into the same fold.

Dear Heavenly Father, you are light in you is no darkness at all. You are a holy and you judge righteously, and we are so glad we can trust you to never be unjust! We confess that we have forgotten your ways and twisted your law to make it our own. We have deceived ourselves and claimed to be without sin. Our eyes are blind to our spiritual hollowness, our lips are too busy talking about stuff to sit in quietness and speak to you. We ask for your forgiveness for the private moments with our families, friends and in our areas of influence where we have been unfaithful to you. We thank you that though we are so prone to wander you call us home. We thank you for giving us your Spirit that works in us to make us more like you. We pray that you would give us the desire to want to die to our old selves. Help us want to love you more because our hearts are so tangled up on themselves and we cannot move them on our own. Please give us generosity and sacrifice to be better family members. In our church, help us trust you for growth and teach us obedience even when loving is hard. For our brothers and sisters who are persecuted we pray they would hold fast in their faith, and that all under social, financial and political strain, would continue living as they should even if it means making adjustments. We thank you and praise you, in Jesus’ name.

Amen.

---

[1] See Isaiah 6:5 KJV “I am undone”; Job 9 ESV “There is no arbiter”.

the two stage post-mortem life

HEROD

What is this miracle of the daughter of Jairus?

FIRST NAZARENE

The daughter of Jairus was dead. He raised her from the dead.

HEROD

He raises the dead?

FIRST NAZARENE

Yea, sire, He raiseth the dead.

HEROD

I do not wish Him to do that. I forbid Him to do that. I allow no man to raise the dead. This Man must be found and told that I forbid Him to raise the dead. Where is this Man at present?

SECOND NAZARENE

He is in every place, my lord, but it is hard to find Him.

_______________________________________________________________________

Contemporary Confusion; Present Confusion about Future Hope

-Heaven is important but it's not the end of the world
-Resurrection does not denote going to heaven when you die! Jesus' resurrection did not mean he died and went to heaven, it meant he was bodily resurrected and back
-the kingdom of heaven is not about a place where you go when you die
-God banished upstairs (out of the public square) so that we can run things downstairs
-"Going home to heaven" vs. Wilberforce & co. who believed that society had to be reformed so that it became thinkable to live in a Christian way.
-Evangelicalism in Britain gave up believing that it was possible to reform society at the same time they became more keen on heaven as the immediate destination rather than resurrection as the ultimate destination.
-The Sadducees were the conservatives who did not want any change in their world- they were the rich aristocratic class who liked the way they lived and thus denied the Pharisaic teaching of the resurrection
-It's nice to have a healer, but if somebody's raising the dead then the tyrant knows that his ultimate weapon is not his ultimate weapon

"The kingdom of heaven is not a place where God rules away from the present earth. It is the fact that God rules and the whole point of Jesus' ministry was that that rule was coming to birth on earth as in heaven, and that we should pray for its final coming. So that at the end of matthew's gospel, when Jesus says "all authority in heaven and on earth have been given to me", that needs working out, cashing through... because the mission of the church (Matt 28) follows from the fact the Jesus is already the Lord of earth as well as heaven. God forgive us that in the church we've often behaved as though he was basically the Lord in heaven, and that we through our present spirituality get in touch with that Lord in heaven in order that we might eventually go and be with him forever - which is precisely what the New Testament is written to say no to. In fact we have thereby colluded with various soft forms of (yes) Gnosticism. -- escapist theology"

When Earth's last picture is painted and the tubes are twisted and dried,
When the oldest colours have faded, and the youngest critic has died,
We shall rest, and, faith, we shall need it -- lie down for an aeon or two,
Till the Master of All Good Workmen shall put us to work anew.
And those that were good shall be happy; they shall sit in a golden chair;
They shall splash at a ten-league canvas with brushes of comets' hair.
They shall find real saints to draw from -- Magdalene, Peter, and Paul;
They shall work for an age at a sitting and never be tired at all!

And only The Master shall praise us, and only The Master shall blame;
Andd no one shall work for money, and no one shall work for fame,
But each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
Shall draw the Thing as he sees It for the God of Things as They are!

Beautiful stuff, totally non christian: 

Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep,

He hath awaken'd from the dream of life;

'Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep

With phantoms an unprofitable strife,

And in mad trance, strike with our spirit's knife 

Invulnerable nothings. We decay

Like corpses in a charnel; fear and gried

Do not stand at my grave and weep (lovely and beautiful stuff, simply non christian)

we are image bearers, death is an insult to 

- Shelly (atheist), for Keats

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow. 

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush 

I am the swift uplifting rush 

Of quiet birds in circled flight. 

I am the soft stars that shine at night. 

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die. 

-Mary Elizabeth Frye 

Right idea of death:

Death be not proud, though some has called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but they pictures be,

Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery. 

Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men, 

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well

And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then? 

One short sleep past, we wake eternally 

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Subtly wrong hymns

Finish, then, Thy new creation;

Pure and spotless let us be.

Let us see Thy great salvation

Perfectly restored in Thee;

Changed from glory into glory,

Till in heaven we take our place,

Till we cast our crowns before Thee, 

Lost in wonder, love, and praise.

Charles Wesley 1747, Love divine, all loves excelling

Come near and bless us when we wake,

ere through the world our way we take,

till in the ocean of thy love

we lose ourselves in heaven above. (Buddhist idea of being a drop in the ocean that gets lost?)

- John Keble 1820, Sun of my soul, thou Savior dear

Hold now you Word before my closing eyes.

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.

Heaven's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee;

in life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

- Henry F. Lyte 1847, Abide with me

Good hymns

The golden evening brightens in the west;

soon, soon to faithful warriors comes their rest;

sweet is the calm of paradise the blessed.

Alleluia, Alleluia!

But lo! there breaks a yet more glorious day;

the saints triumphant rise in bright array;

the King of glory passes on his way. 

Alleluia, Alleluia!

From earth's wide bounds, from ocean's farthest coast,

through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,

and singing to Father, Son and Holy Ghost:

Alleluia, Alleluia!

- William W. How 1864, For all the saints