the importance of autobiographies

Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. The cross was the proof of His love- that He gave that Son, that he let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us- not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process. - Elisabeth Elliot

Manto

"A writer picks up his pen only when his sensibility is hurt."
-- Manto to a court judge

conversations through time

The main source where the relationship between King and Gandhi is spelled out by King himself is in his book Stride Towards Freedom. Here he relates how, as a college freshman, before being introduced to Gandhi, he read Thoreau's 'Essay on Civil Disobedience' and was 'fascinated by the idea of refusing to cooperate with an evil system. I was so deeply moved that I reread the book several times. This was my first intellectual contact with the theory of non-violence resistance.'

In her autobiographical account of her life with King, his wife Coretta notes that he told her that the turning point of his thinking about how to reconcile Christian pacifism with activism came when he heard a lecture on Gandhi by one of his mentors, Dr Mordecai Johnson, the black president of Howard University, at Friendship Hall in Philadelphia in the spring of 1950. King found the message of the lecture to be 'so profound and electrifying' that he left the meeting and 'brought a half-dozen books on Gandhi's life and works'. And at this point he 'became deeply influenced by Gandhi, never realizing that I would live in a situation where it would be useful and meaningful'. A little while later he took a course at Crozer on the psychology of religion and for his research paper and oral presentation he chose to work on Gandhi. While Coretta King did not think that at this stage, in the late 1940s and early 1950s, 'he as yet consciously considered applying the Gandhian technique of nonviolence to the Negro Movement, the idea began germinating in his mind'. King records that as a result of this study of Gandhi,

The whole concept of 'Satyagraha was profoundly significant to me. As I delved deeper into the philosophy of Gandhi my skepticism concerning the power of love gradually diminished, and I came to see for the first time its potency in the area of social reform. Prior to reading Gandhi, I had about concluded that the ethics of Jesus were only effective in individual relationship. The 'turn the other cheek' philosophy and the 'love your enemies' philosophy were only valid, I felt, when individuals were in conflict with other individuals; when racial groups and nations were in conflict a more realistic approach seemed necessary. But after reading Gandhi, I saw how utterly mistaken I was ... I came to feel that this was the only morally and practically sound method open to oppressed people in their struggle for freedom.

He added that,

My study of Gandhi convinced me that true pacifism is not non resistance to evil, but nonviolent resistance to evil. Between the two positions, there is a world of difference. Gandhi resisted evil with as much vigor and power as the violent resister, but he resisted with love instead of hate. True pacifism is not unrealistic submission to evil power, as Niebuhr contends. It is rather a courageous confrontation of evil by the power of love, in the faith that it is better to be the recipient of violence than the inflicter of it, since the latter only multiplies the existence of violence and bitterness in the universe, while the former may develop a sense of shame in the opponent, and thereby bring about a transformation of the heart. 

Thomas Weber, Gandhi as Disciple and Mentor (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2004), pp.169-171

Talking to angels

Warm
Wrapped around like a shawl
Loose but snug
Not too tight
Just right

Slow
Folding plastic bags
One after the other
Repeated
Rhythms

Love
Dimly lit but clear
Strong and without fear
Never letting go
Quietly do you know

Here
With me all the time
Heart and mind
Resting
Restless

Trust
Breathing out
Putting down
Opening wide
Smiling/I cry

Be not nobody

Nobody sees
That's what hurts the most
That's what it feels like
Nobody knows
Nobody knows

Me
That's all my mind is thinking of
And I know I know it's wrong
But it's really hard to get outside of myself
At least right now

When it hurts
When it really really hurts
It feels like it will always be this way
Nothing changes
No help comes

Just me
Alone
Just me
Alone
Alone

Little things trigger it
It is a constant weight behind the mask
I can be all smiles
Roaring with laughter
But the weight stays

Underground
Overground
It's always there somewhere
Sneaking in the background
Ready to pounce

One mean word
One swift rejection
Too much time
Without paying attention
Moping about, restless

Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep becomes comfort
So does food

Till all I do is sleep and eat
The story of our lives
But I fight
I really try to fight
It just doesn't feel worth it

When at the end of the day
You wind up defeated
Again
And again and again
And you wonder when this will end

What is the point
Of fighting
Why not just let the storm rage
Let the darkness roar
Hide away

Under covers
Hide away
Till you recover
Will I recover
I just want my mum

No, they say
You chose this path
Be strong
Be stronger
I just want my mum

Is that so unfair
Is that so wrong
I
Just want
My mum

A helper
A comfort
Who knows me
I just want
My God

Where have you gone!
It feels like I don't even
Know you anymore
I'm so angry
Why

Why am I angry

Truth is
I've been fed so many lies
By people trying to help me
And my mind has been muddled
I want to see clearly

No I did not choose You
I don't choose this
I cannot choose to be strong
But you can make me strong even with this
You chose me

I knew it once before
You chose me
And You're never going to return
Or go back on your promises
You are faithful

You are faithful
You are eternal
You love us
You are good
I knew this once

Help me to know it once more
I still know You deep down
I am Yours
I can't ever undo
What the spirit has called

Give me rest Lord
Keep me safe
Fill me with Your power
To labor another day
And be still for Your name's sake

the power of music

My worth is not in what I own
Not in the strength of flesh and bone
But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross

My worth is not in skill or name
In win or lose, in pride or shame
But in the blood of Christ that flowed 
At the cross

Refrain: 
I rejoice in my Redeemer
Greatest Treasure, 
Wellspring of my soul
I will trust in Him, no other. 
My soul is satisfied in Him alone. 

As summer flowers we fade and die
Fame, youth and beauty hurry by
But life eternal calls to us 
At the cross 

I will not boast in wealth or might
Or human wisdom's fleeting light
But I will boast in knowing Christ
At the cross

Two wonders here that I confess
My worth and my unworthiness
My value fixed - my ransom paid
At the cross

lets be practical/feeding time

foods to beat depression:

walnuts- bcos they have omega 3 fatty acids
fatty fish, i.e. mackerel, bluefish (what??), wild salmon, tuna - also bcos of omega 3 fatty acids
low fat dairy, skimmed milk, yogurt, low-fat cheeses- for vitamin D and protein :)
whole grains (complex carbohydrates that help the body release serotonin) eg. brown rice!
green tea <3 de-stress
turmeric? ooh
dark chocolate (small pieces at a time tho)
SOY PRODUCTS muahahhaha yey
essential antioxidants:
beta-carotene: broccoli, carrots, pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato
vitamin C: blueberries, broccoli, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, peppers, potatoes, strawberries, tomatoes
vitamin E: margarine, nuts and seeds, vegetable oils, wheat germ

okay.